Topic 2
Many students have to live with roommates while they go to school or university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of sharing a room with someone as a student. Use specific details in your discussion.
5. 構成は5パラグラフを基本とする
(Introduction → Body1 Body 2 Body 3 → Conclusion)
6. 最後に目視で校正し、必要な手直しをする
アイコさんのエッセイ
It is common for students to have a roommate when they go to school or university. There are at least one disadvantage and two advantages of sharing a room. The disadvantage is that it may be difficult for you to concentrate on studying, while the two advantages are having a chance to make a close friend and being able to learn how other people live.
First of all, you may have a lot of difficulty doing homework or preparing for tests if your roommate makes a lot of noise. For example, one of my friends is always quarreling with her roommate about the noise. She belongs to the rock-music club in the school and she plays the drum. She says that her roommate gets angry when she is tapping the table or singing the song. Although she claims that she is careful enough not to bother her roommate because she is just tapping the desk instead of playing the drum, her roommate is actually irritated partly because she has to study hard now in order to get good grades for the scholarship. Moreover, if they do not anything special, just because they usually stay up late, you won’t be able to sleep well. As you can see, roommates can make it tough to study.
I will look at the advantages of having a roommate now. As I said in the introduction, one of the two advantages of having a roommate is that it is possible that you get a close friend. Sharing a room means you spend a lot of time together, so as a matter of course, you can get to know each other well. You can learn from each other by talking about your daily lives and sharing information, such as what you did when you became homesick and information about school events. For instance, my aunt has been keeping touch with some friends who were her roommates when they were university students. She says that if they had not been her roommates, she could not have built such a close relationship with them. They would often stay up late and talk about their daily lives and future dream. Of course, it does not necessarily mean that your roommate becomes your best friend only because you share a room, however, it can be said that sharing a room provides you a better chance to get to know people in your school than living alone.
Finally, the other advantage of having a roommate is that you can learn how other people live and also how to live with them. If your roommate comes from a different country, he or she must have a different lifestyle from yours. Even if your roommate comes from the same country or even town as you, each family has their own particular rules which will be new to you. So you can learn about their way of life, how they think and how to live with them through the experience. Experiencing a roommate will help you develop the skill of having an ‘open mind’ which is really important when you get married and your spouse has a quite different way of living from you. In addition, such an open mind may also have a good influence on your future career, so it is beneficial that you acquire it while you are students.
In conclusion, though having a roommate may have disadvantages when it comes to studying, it gives you many other advantages which is far more useful, not only in being able to get a close friend and learn how other people live as well as learn how to live with them, but in how to have an open mind and perhaps how to be patient, both of which can be useful for your life in the future. (635 words)
エッセイ添削例
It is common for students to have a roommate when they go to school or university. There are at least one disadvantage and two advantages of sharing a room. The disadvantage is that it may be difficult for you to concentrate on studying, while the two advantages are having a chance to make a close friend and being able to learn how other people live.
First of all, [let’s discuss the disadvantages.] you [It] may have a lot of difficulty doing [be difficult to do] homework or preparing [prepare] for tests if your roommate makes a lot of noise. For example, one of my friends is [belongs to the rock-music club in school and plays the drum, and she] always quarreling [quarrels] with her roommate about the noise [she makes]. She belongs to the rock- music club in the school and she plays the drum. She says that her[Her] roommate gets angry when she is tapping [taps] the table or singing [sings] the [a] song. Although she claims that she is [being] careful enough not to bother her roommate because she is just tapping the desk instead of [and not really] playing the drum, her roommate is actually [still] irritated partly because she has to study hard now in order to get good grades for the [a] scholarship. Moreover, if they do not anything special, just because they usually stay up late, you won’t be able to sleep well.As you can see [Clearly], roommates can make it [can be] tough to study [if you have a roommate].
[In the second part of this essay,] I will look at the advantages of having a roommate now. As I said in the introduction, one of the two advantages of having a roommate is that it is possible that you [to] get a close friend. Sharing a room means you spend a lot of time together, so as a matter of course, you can get to know each other well. You can learn from each other by talking about your daily lives and sharing information, such as what you did when you became homesick and information about school events. For instance, m[M]y aunt[, for example,] has been keeping [still keeps in] touch with some friends who were her roommates when they were [from her] university students [days]. She says that if they had not been her roommates, she could not have built such a close relationship with them. They would often stay up late and talk about their daily lives and future dream[s]. Of course, it [your roommate] does not necessarily mean that your roommate becomes your best friend only because you share a room, however, it can be said that [, but] sharing a room [definitely] provides [gives] you a better chance to get to know people [someone] in your school than living alone [does].
Finally, the other advantage of having a roommate is that you can learn how other people live and also how to live with them. If your roommate comes from a different country, he or she must have a different lifestyle from yours. [, but] Even if your roommate comes from the same country or even town as you, each family has [the roommate will still have] their own particular rules [a different way of living peculiar to the family he or she comes from,] which will be new to you. So you can learn about their way of life, how they think and how to live with them through the experience. Experiencing [Having the experience of] a roommate will [also] help you develop the skill of having an ‘open mind’[. This] which is really important when you get married and your spouse has a quite different way of living [and thinking] from you.[, as well as possibly having] you. In addition, such an open mind may also have a good influence on your future career[.], so [Obviously,] it having a roommate is beneficial that you acquire it [a good experience to have] while you are [a] students.
In conclusion, though having a roommate may have disadvantages when it comes to studying, it gives you many other advantages which is [are] far more useful, not only in being able [beneficial. You will have the chance not only] to get a close friend and learn how other people live as well as learn how to live with them, but [also] in [to know] how to have an open mind and perhaps how to be patient, both of which can be useful for your life in the future[which is likely to help you in your private life and future career].
A For example, if your roommates are always talking in a loud voice, or if they listen to music on high volume, you cannot concentrate.
B For example, my friend’s roommate loves rock music and listens to loud music almost every night. She says it is really annoying when she wants to study.